then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize