guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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