dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
