Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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