Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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