He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
