There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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