3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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