he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
