She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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