If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
