We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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