So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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