There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
