how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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