I'm lost and stupid without you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
