You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
