Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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