If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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