I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
