dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
