Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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