Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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