btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
