you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
