i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
