Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
