i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
