He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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