I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
