So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
