I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
