You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
