I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
