I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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