I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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