i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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