you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
