her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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