Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
