So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
