Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
