You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
