Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
