i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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