Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
