I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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