i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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