The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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