I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
