I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
