just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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