i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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