I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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