Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
should my penis look like a turkey
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I stole a fireplace last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
