All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You left your phone here
Wait...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
