fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
PANTIES FOUND
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