Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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