and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
