Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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