Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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