if only i could text you this smell
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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