whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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