do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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