hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
