highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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