saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
