What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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