If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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